That Pesky Fourth Step
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Working the first three steps was, relatively speaking, a piece of cake. The fourth step involves a bit more preparation and work as I ready myself to take an inventory of my patterns and habits. As I work through this, I have seen some patterns that are more easily broken than others, and some that will take years to fully work through.
We should all spend time in quiet reflection reviewing our own actions and what it is that we do that makes our lives unmanageable. The simple truth is, for most of us, things do not happen to us out of the blue. We invite them, we entertain them, and we often even nourish them. The bad things that occur are usually of our own accord.
This is not to say, mind you, that there are no true victims. There certainly are. There are victims of crime and victims of circumstance, victims of abuse and victims of neglect. But when it comes to how we feel and what we do, we are the only ones in control of that.
Some people spend so much time focusing all of their indignation on others that they refuse to see what they themselves have done. They assign blame, they point fingers, and they simmer in quiet (or maybe not so quiet) rage that so-and-so had the nerve to do such-and-such.
For me, a pattern of allowing others to dictate my life circumstances and then becoming resentful when I feel as if I have been walked on has manifested. In order to avoid that, I have to be willing to stand up and say, “No, that’s not going to happen,” and let the chips fall where they may. This can often have very ugly ramifications. There are some folks in the world who are resistant to change, and when someone tries to make a change, they end up switching to desperate tactics to maintain the status quo.
Despite the resistance, I will move forward and continue my journey. I will continue to work on my inventory and when I am ready, I will move on to the next step.
With each day, it gets easier, the load gets lighter, and my spirit becomes cleaner.