There’s the good news, and then there’s the bad news
Ah, so let’s rip the Band-Aid off and go for the bad news first, yes? Saturday morning my dad called me to let me know his father had passed away. I have mixed emotions regarding this. On the one hand, I was not terribly close with my grandfather and we often argued. He was a misogynist, and well, c’mon, that’s never going to sit well with me. He was also an all around grumpy old man. But there were occasions, glimmers of a relationship that could be, where he and I were able to sit down and have a conversation without one of us deciding the other needed to be taken out back and shot. Rare occasions, but still there all the same.
My dad has been taking care of my grandfather for years, and it’s been very hard on him. His life has been limited because of it, and now he has a new sense of freedom that he’s not had in years. But it’s hard on him. Even he argued a lot with “the old man” but he was still his father, and Dad loved him very much. He has new freedom, but at a price. He’s heartbroken, and there is so little I can do for him so far away.
Going to the funeral is simply not an option for me. To be honest, even if it were, I would balk at having to go. I’m not big on funerals to begin with, and I really like to stay as far away from most of my dad’s family as possible. It’s a long story as to why, and I won’t go into details here, but they are not people I need to have my life clouded with. Some of them I miss terribly, some of my very wonderful cousins for instance, and an aunt that I always enjoyed, but mostly, I like being here and having them there. It suits me.
I miss my biological family terribly. I recently reconnected with my mother’s sister and had a wonderful talk with her on life, the universe, and everything. She told me that she was proud of me, and I broke down into sappy tears. And then, as is my wont to do, I scolded myself for needing approval from someone else, but she is not just someone else, she is my mother’s sister. I can never hear it from my mother, her sister is all I have. Hearing it was a warm, wonderful experience, and I believe a new doorway has opened with us. I think there is a relationship there to explore.
I have had some good things happen to me in this last week, little gifts sent to me by the Goddess that have reinforced my belief in myself and my faith in Her. I did not get out of the Z lease, but I was able to get a second car and will be able to have more options with the Z in the near future. It makes my budget a little tight, but it’s worth it. One more stride in Operation Freedom, almost home free!
A wonderful and gracious friend is helping me out in another area that had me spinning in circles, and I can never thank her enough, although she will hear none of it anyway. She has been the best friend I have ever had, and she’s stuck by me through many disasters and bad moments. I am blessed with her friendship and love.
I believe a family has been found for my beloved Connor. I spoke with the man last night for some time, he heard about Connor from one of my co-workers. He has four (4!!) children, and they have been looking for a dog who is good with kids, not too old, and out of the puppy stage. They anticipate coming to meet Connor very soon, and if all works out, my beloved canine companion will have found himself a home full of all the love and attention he could ever ask for.
My move is coming close, a mere two weeks! I am terribly excited at all of the prospects that have opened up for me. It’s been a long, drawn out process, but I’m grateful for the lessons I have learned and the time that I’ve been given to spend focusing on myself and my own needs. I anticipate a few more bumps in the road, but mostly, I’m just happy to be actually on the road and not stuck at the truck stop waiting for my flat tire to be repaired.
Speaking of the move, I should be packing. Today’s chore: the den. One would think, as organized as I tend to be, that this would not be such a dreaded thing. One would fail to realize that as I am packing my stuff, I am also purging of stuff that is either not mine or not wanted. It takes a bit of time to go through all of this crap, and having to now move through files and documents is not fun. It is, however, very cleansing to remove things that are unwanted from my life. I’m diggin’ it.