Slightly modified old journal entry. I offer it for all of you lovely pains in the ass who keep picking on me for being AR.
Several years ago, a friend of mine decided for our birthdays she would have our astrological charts drawn up. Our birthdays were only a few days apart, and she was curious to see how close our charts would be. At the time, I knew as much about astrology as I knew about fusing atoms; that is to say, I knew zip. Having birthdays in early September, we were both Virgos, but that meant about as much to me as lengthy dissertations on using huge magnets in an attempt to squeeze atoms so close together they eventually fuse. I grok the concept, just don’t ask me about the details.
I knew my sun sign, as in “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” but nothing beyond that and whatever information provided by numerous magazines and newspaper horoscopes. Important information along the lines of “Watch out for backstabbing co-workers today” and “Romance is in the air this month, put your best foot forward.”
I’m skeptical by nature, and usually viewed the astrological forecasts with a jaded eye. Romance never seemed to happen when it was supposed to, and my co-workers were always looking to stab someone in the back; usually me, on account of me always being the only one in the joint to get the job done according to specs. Is it my fault no one ever seems to read directions or pay attention to examples?
A complete astrological chart takes into account not only the day you were born, but also what time and where. An hour can completely change the outlook of your chart. She assured me this would give me a more complete outlook on my nature, my life, and my future. Again, I’m a skeptic, but she was very excited by it so I dug out my birth certificate and found the exact time of my birth and passed this information along to my friend.
Several days later she called me, excited and happy. “Well, this explains everything!” Warily, I eyed the telephone, wondering if there was a nice doctor in a white coat standing next to her. “You are so Virgo you make other Virgos twitch!”
My witty and well-timed response: “Huh?”
“Let me explain. In addition to the location of the sun at the time of your birth, you also have to take into account the moon and planets. Then there is your ascending, or rising, sign. The sun, moon, and rising signs define your most prominent personality traits, the others work in conjunction with those to form a more complete picture.”
Uh huh.
I think, at some point, I might have fallen asleep listening as she explained what each planet meant and the significance of its location as my mother screamed her fool head off and squeezed me out of my nice warm home.
“Are you listening? This is important!”
“Yes, yes, I’m a Virgo. I know that.” I’m bored with this conversation already and begin picking pieces of lint up off the carpet.
“No, you don’t understand. In addition to the sun being in Virgo, the moon and five planets were also in Virgo!”
“Should I send out notices or something?”
She began laughing, “Yes indeed, definitely Scorpio rising.”
“Where’s a scorpion?”
“Your rising sign is Scorpio, that explains your constant sarcasm,” she patiently explained.
And here I thought it was just my irritation with the world around me. I am often frustrated with other people. I hate having to explain something several times, and I can’t stand when I seem to stick out in the crowd because I know how to follow directions. Considering the mess we humans have made of the world, it’s a small wonder I have not gone completely insane. I cannot abide by a mess.
We spoke for a good hour, me listening politely as she explained that it wasn’t my fault I was so “anal retentive”, that I was born that way. I never considered myself to be such a thing, I just have an eye for detail. While she spoke, I redid the dishes from the night before. Some of the glasses had spots on them.
She sent me a copy of the chart complete with an outlook for the next couple of years. I studied it for a few days, trying to imagine how the planets could affect my life and wondering if it were possible to knock a couple out of their current orbit. The forecast for the next couple of years was interesting, but there were a couple of spots that looked like tough times.
Eventually I grew bored of dreaming up new ways to rearrange the cosmos and tucked the papers neatly away. I came to the conclusion that I can’t change how things were when I was born, neither can I change where the planets might sit in relation to the houses on any given day.
I don’t think about it often, astrology is not one of my big interests. I still, occasionally, read the newspaper forecasts but my outlook hasn’t changed much. The things listed either rarely happen or are so vague that I could easily interpret just about any event in my life to fit.
I am one of those people who simply doesn’t get it. How can planets determine your life and personality? I don’t think they really can. I believe your life is more about circumstance than providence. Furthermore, I’m not anal retentive. Really. You should see the pile of laundry sitting on the couch begging to be folded. It’s been begging for three weeks now.
I always mean to sit down and do it, but something always gets in the way. And have you ever noticed how much lint is thrown around when you fold towels properly? I spend an hour vacuuming after doing laundry. I cannot stand lint on the carpet. Makes me insane. I’m not sure what upsets me more, towels that aren’t folded properly, snapped and all the folds facing the same way, or the lint that flies around when snapping them.
I still don’t see what that has to do with anything. I simply like to be neat. I like things done correctly. Quickly. The first time. I have learned, over the years, that often times it is just better to do things myself than to ask anyone else to do it. I love my children, they are good kids, but they can’t fold a towel to save their little lives.
I should probably go do that laundry now, but the cat found a leaf to chew on and now there are tiny pieces of it everywhere. I’m glad we had a chance to talk, let’s do it again sometime. Next time though, would you please be so kind as to take your shoes off before putting your feet on the coffee table? You left a couple of grains of sand behind.
