Cell Phone Induced Stupidity
Before I get into this, let me clarify, I am a fan of the cell phone. I love my RAZR, it makes me happy, and it keeps me in touch with the kids when I’m at the office or stuck on the road. Of course, I am also a fan of Bluetooth and generally wouldn’t be caught dead actually holding a cell phone to my ear. It’s just not trendy 
I went to IKEA on Saturday and bought some very cute shelves for all the media in the family room. One of my uber fantastic super terrific friends helped me put the shelves together, and then we began examining how to best mount them to the wall. Except IKEA, because they are so smart, did not include any mounting hardware whatsoever. For shelves that are made to be mounted on the walls. Assholes!
Never fear! We are smart people, we can do this. A trip to Home Depot is scheduled for the next day. We would have done it then, but it was getting late in the evening and there was drinking to be done! Beer first, hanging shelves second! I have my priorities, people!
The next day, as we are leaving his apartment complex, we get stuck behind some woman at a stop sign yacking on her cell phone and not going anywhere. Just as I’m deciding to go around her, she comes back to the real world and realizes there is someone behind her and ever so slowly begins crawling away from the stop sign. As I pass her naturally I’m bitching, “I bet you could drive better if you had that phone up your ass,” and waving hello with my middle finger.
I hit the main road, give Grace a few moments of beautiful wide open road before quickly coming to a stop light. We are still laughing about the woman on the cell phone at the stop sign. I think I’m bitching about headsets and how cheap they are these days. Home Depot is a mere five minutes away, and I’m feeling good that I’m finally going to get all this stuff done.
*WHAM*
My eyes are immediately on the rear view mirror to see what fucking asshole has just RAMMED INTO THE BACK OF MY FUCKING 350Z. And there she is, snapping her cell phone shut. The same stupid bitch from the stop sign. Bitch! The look of absolute horror on her face as she realizes that not only has she just rear-ended someone, but she’s rear-ended a sports car and the driver is not likely to be very forgiving, and she just rear-ended the exact same person who was trying to get around her as she sat at a stop sign yacking on her damn cell phone. That look almost made up for everything, almost.
My first instinct is to kill, slay, maim. Grace has been hit and there is an honor price to be paid, in blood. I am out of the car and at her window in about 2.3 seconds. “You know, this wouldn’t happen if you’d stay off of your goddamn cell phone while driving. What the fu…” and then I see the three kids in the back seat. Only two in car seats. *scowl* But it’s enough to tame my tongue. Thou shalt not launch into a profanity laced tirade of maniacal rage in front of toddlers.
Gathering my composure, we move the cars to a nearby parking lot. No police are called, the damage isn’t enough to warrant it, although I’m pretty sure a toddler not in a car seat might. Information is traded, and I get the hell out of there.
I spent most of yesterday deliberately not looking at the back end of Grace. There’s an imprint of dumb bitch’s license plate there. A very clear imprint. *sigh* State Farm has been called, let the claim wars begin.
Kids, if you must drive with your cell phones, please get a headset. And learn to multitask. If you find that you have to sit at a stop sign for ten minutes instead of moving because you are so busy talking, maybe, just maybe, you should not use your cell phone at all while behind the wheel. If this is too hard to comprehend, maybe you should contemplate giving up your driver’s license and taking the bus. Bitch!