How to Push Sabre’s Buttons in 9 Easy Steps
For my male readers, here’s some solid advice from Forbes: Don’t Marry Career Women*
1. You are less likely to get married to her.
Because, like, see, women with careers, they don’t want to get married and settle down. Oh, and successful women tend to have higher standards for mates in the event they do want to get married. Those selfish bitches!
2. If you do marry, you are more likely to get divorced.
Career women work too much, and that will ruin your marriage. Men who work too much, well, you know, who really cares because it’s the bitch’s job to run the house anyway.
3. She is more likely to cheat on you.
Educated women who make more than $15/hour generally can’t be bothered to deal with just one man. They are too easily tempted by attractive, intelligent office mates. Insatiable whores!
4. You are much less likely to have kids.
Career women don’t want to be incubators for your seed and carry your DNA forward to the next generation. How rude! Obviously they don’t know their place.
5. If you do have kids, your wife is more likely to be unhappy.
With her career now in shambles, because she agreed to incubate your seed, she’s depressed and lonely. You would think that she’d be happy to devote her life to rearing your spawn while you work extra hours and bang your secretary. Her hormones are probably out of whack now, you should get her to her 100k mile tune up.
6. Your house will be dirtier.
How can you be expected to do housework while you are busy fast-tracking your career and eye-humping the receptionist? Your wife certainly isn’t doing it, she’s too busy banging the mailboy while working “overtime” and taking a meeting.
7. You’ll be unhappy if she makes more than you.
With her making more than you, you are unable to lord your superiority over her. You’ll be miserable and probably start eyeing the secretary. She doesn’t make anywhere near your salary, stud.
8. She will be unhappy if she makes more than you.
Women like it when you lord your higher earnings over them. It makes them feel safe and secure knowing their place in the world.
9. You are more likely to fall ill.
If she’s not keeping your house spotless, because she is working too much, you are going to get sick and probably die. Then she’ll collect your insurance, buy a sports car, and start screwing her intern.
*Looks like someone pulled the article. Whoopsie. No, wait, they put it back. As a point, counter-point. “Forbes.com published a story Aug. 22 by editor Michael Noer on two-career relationships that provoked a heated response from both outside and inside our building. Elizabeth Corcoran, a member of our Silicon Valley bureau and principal author of the magazine’s current cover story on robots, sent in [a] rebuttal.”