Shopping Insanity
Okay, as a rule, I generally avoid Wal-Mart. Two reasons, they treat their employees like shit and it’s always overcrowded with noisy people and unruly children. However, we decided to swing by on Saturday to see if they had something I needed for my BBQ on Sunday.
We were wandering around the outdoor section and some insane man practically mowed Jeff down with his cart. I’m staring at this guy wondering what the hell his damage is as he’s wildly swerving around. He finally sees Jeff, and just barely misses him. Apparently, and this is according to Jeff who is biased thank you very much, dude was staring at me and that’s why he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. Mkay then. Freak!
Afterwards, I spot hoses (considering mine burst it’s a good idea to get a new one) so I leave the cart with him and go check them out. I can’t find one that I’m happy with, so I wander back to him. What’s with men being so easily distracted? Here’s Jeff, playing with this bench that he found and is all excited about. That’s nice. Where’s the cart?
Someone walked away with our cart.
We search the whole section and find it nowhere. So we grab another cart, get the same stuff we had before, and start heading towards checkout. And as we make it about halfway through the store, there’s our original cart. The fuck? Let us leave this place before I begin to lose all semblance of control.
After Wal-Mart, we needed to swing by Target to pick up a few more items. Target is a much happier place, although it is still pretty crowded on Saturdays. As we are wandering about, only just starting to toss things in the cart, we are rudely interrupted by a voice on the loudspeaker informing us that they are terribly sorry, but we need to evacuate the store. So we push our cart over to the side and make our way through the various people trying to get out, with their carts full of goods that are clearly not bagged and paid for. Nice.
As we begin walking to the car, we meet up with a lady who tells us that they are having a wine tasting over at the wine store and that we should go by. Who am I to argue with strangers about a wine tasting? Off we wander, and spend the next 20 minutes strolling up and down the aisles of the happiest place in the world.
Target has still not opened their doors back up, so we decide to hit Don Pablo’s next for margaritas. Okay, margie for me, nasty stinky stuff for him. Now, he likes to insist that men are always looking at me. I don’t notice it, so I think maybe he’s full of shit, you know? Looking is one thing, but women love to touch him. Why does the waitress need to rub his leg? Sure, he was sitting alone at the time because I was in the ladies room, but Christ. Keep your hands to yourself. Bitch!
*ahem* Moving along.
So after a drink, and chatting with the guy next to us, we head back to Target to pick up where we left off. Of course, our cart is long gone by this time, so we have to start over. Inevitably, we forgot something that we had in the first basket, but at least we got most of our stuff.
It’s days like this that make me want to do nothing but internet shopping for the rest of my life.