Sometimes it is hard for me to appreciate the good things. I’m so busy looking for the things that hurt that I forget to see the things that make me smile. So, in no particular order, here are the things that made me smile today.

My children - oh you little animals! How little you know! You saved my life, and there is never anyway I can explain that to you more than that. Drew, there are no words, baby. You are one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met. Zach, no one else will ever understand me the way you do. Who else is going to listen to Stone Sour with me and totally get it? Cricket, wow, girl… without sounding cheesy, you are the sunshine of my life. You are the bright spot that makes all the darkness worthwhile. I love you all so much.

(Yeah, that was cheesy, but you know, if these were your kids, you’d be hard pressed to find better words.)

My friends - Fran, Elizabeth, Shannon, Dawn, Vidya. Without you to keep me straight, I’d be bouncing off the walls. Thank you for loving me even when I couldn’t love myself.

(Maybe that was cheesy too, but hey, it’s my blog.)

Thank you Mother, for giving me a life of warmth and happiness, for giving me all the things I’ve asked for. Thank you for forcing me to grow, and for all of the little obstacles that you’ve given to me so that I might be a better person.

And thank you, for reading, and for getting it. I love you.

Brightest blessings

- Sabre

PS: And thank you to the warmongers for bringing David home. You have no idea how much this means to me.

Via Christopher an interesting look at Global Consciousness…

An ongoing study headed up by some nerds at Princeton has been attempting, since 1998, to ascertain whether there is such a thing as global consciousness, and whether or not it can be measured and/or have any affect on the world at large.

The Global Consciousness Project (GCP) is an international effort involving researchers from several institutions and countries, designed to explore whether the construct of interconnected consciousness can be scientifically validated through objective measurement. The project builds on excellent experiments conducted over the past 35 years at a number of laboratories, demonstrating that human consciousness interacts with random event generators (REGs), apparently “causing” them to produce non-random patterns.

Uh, yes. English please?

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Recently, there was an issue at work that required my rather immediate attention, but I was sitting in a doctor’s office and not even aware of the problem until I arrived home and logged in to work.

The delay between the time the issue cropped up and my response (which consisted of something along the lines of, “no, this isn’t our issue, our vendor wigged out again”) was less than an hour, but found to be unacceptable to those who had to deal with irate subscribers.

And yeah, if I were that subscriber, I’d be pretty whizzed off too. The material they are trying to access is very time sensitive.

The solution? Hook a bitch up with the latest high tech uber nerd gadgetry and have her available 24/7.

Joy.

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I love challenges. I love puzzles. I love learning about new things, figuring things out. I love meeting new people, going new places. I love new experiences. But the truth of the matter is that I do not like change.

Well, maybe not change. It’s the insanity before the change that makes me cringe. The uncertainty. The constant “do I or don’t I” that runs through my head. The noise in the background that screams to just go back, go back, go back. Back to where everything is safe, and known.

Safe. Known.

*sigh* Boring.

Change is once again on my horizon. And once again I’m faced with all the internal clamoring from the various aspects of my personality, all demanding to be heard, all demanding to be given equal say in what path I shall choose. And mostly they are demanding that I just go back, stop trying to move forward, stay where I’m warm and safe.

Noisy bitches.

If I could get all the voices in my head (oh what? like you don’t have any? please.) to just shut up long enough to listen, I might be able to make a choice based upon not only past experience, but also upon logic and reason. Insight and hope.

I swore to myself that I was throwing out the road map and just going wherever life may take me, but no one told me it’d be taking me here so soon. Oh, I expected to get to this place one day, to arrive roadworn and weary, tired and ready for a good long rest. I didn’t expect to be here today, with the wax on the car still shiny and smooth, and my clothes without even a spot of travel grime on them.

So what do I do? What am I true to? The voices from the past that tell me to step back, get my ass back in the car and just keep driving, or the logic that tells me this is where I wanted to be anyway? To the promise I made to myself that I’d stop trying to control my life and just go where my wheels take me, or do I stare at it all and try to find the flaw in the future before me?

Aw, fuck it. I never did like maps much anyway, and I’m not one for allowing the past to dictate my future.

Say it with me now, change is good. Change is welcome. Change allows you to move away from what kept your wings bound behind you.

Change allows you to fly.

Fuck me runnin’, I hate Mondays. No, really, hate them.

I had a really wonderful weekend, full of laying about doing as little as possible (despite rumors to the contrary about some domestic goddess bullshit.)

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First, the icky bits:

57% of my fellow Virginians voted yes on the proposed amendment regarding same sex marriage. The mind boggles.

In my district (that’d be 10 if you are keeping track), Congressman Frank Wolf (R) maintained his seat. Sorry, Judy. I was rooting for you.

On the edge of my seat:

At this time, with 99.88% of all precincts reporting, Jim Webb (D) is leading the race for Senate by a margin of less than 1%. My fingers and toes are crossed, and along with the rest of the nation, I’m anxiously awaiting the final tally. If the final tally is less than 1%, expect a recount.

In Montana, the Democratic challenger, Jon Tester, is also leading by less than 1%. If the final tally shows a lead of less than half a percent, expect a recount there as well.

Control of the Senate rests entirely with these two races. There are three possible outcomes here, and you know which one I’m on my knees begging the Good Mother for.

And the news that has several of us dancing in the hallways this morning?

For the first time in over a decade, the Democrats took the House. Oh fuck y’all, don’t blow it. Don’t make me come over there!

For the first time ever, the Speaker of the House will be a woman.

Oh, and South Dakota? I think I love you. You rejected one of the most foul pieces of legislation I have ever seen.

And, oh my gawd, could it get any sweeter? Rumsfeld is stepping down.

I can’t stop grinning!

So it would appear that Warren Jeffs tried to hang himself in jail earlier this year.  Too bad he didn’t succeed, because that would have been awesome!

*cough*

What completely shakes me to my core is not that there are men who still follow this jackass, but that there are women who really believe his bullshit.

This quote is from the cnn.com story:

“He is a perfectly priestly man,” said a woman who identified herself as Cathy. “He is a man of God, and we will always love him. Once a prophet, always a prophet.”

How brainwashed does a woman have to be to think Warren Jeffs is a good guy?  How sick does a woman have to be to be willing to be pimped out to whatever man Jeffs sends her to?  And how deluded does she have to be in order to offer up her daughter for the same?

Obviously, I don’t know if the person quoted above has daughters, but it’s is clear to me that she most certainly would offer her 13 or 14 year old little girl up to be pimped out.

Truly sick.  “Priestly man” indeed.

Misogyny at it’s finest.  Of course, my act of pointing this out will cause some to refer to me as a misandrist.  The mind, it truly does boggle.