The Truth About Change
I love challenges. I love puzzles. I love learning about new things, figuring things out. I love meeting new people, going new places. I love new experiences. But the truth of the matter is that I do not like change.
Well, maybe not change. It’s the insanity before the change that makes me cringe. The uncertainty. The constant “do I or don’t I” that runs through my head. The noise in the background that screams to just go back, go back, go back. Back to where everything is safe, and known.
Safe. Known.
*sigh* Boring.
Change is once again on my horizon. And once again I’m faced with all the internal clamoring from the various aspects of my personality, all demanding to be heard, all demanding to be given equal say in what path I shall choose. And mostly they are demanding that I just go back, stop trying to move forward, stay where I’m warm and safe.
Noisy bitches.
If I could get all the voices in my head (oh what? like you don’t have any? please.) to just shut up long enough to listen, I might be able to make a choice based upon not only past experience, but also upon logic and reason. Insight and hope.
I swore to myself that I was throwing out the road map and just going wherever life may take me, but no one told me it’d be taking me here so soon. Oh, I expected to get to this place one day, to arrive roadworn and weary, tired and ready for a good long rest. I didn’t expect to be here today, with the wax on the car still shiny and smooth, and my clothes without even a spot of travel grime on them.
So what do I do? What am I true to? The voices from the past that tell me to step back, get my ass back in the car and just keep driving, or the logic that tells me this is where I wanted to be anyway? To the promise I made to myself that I’d stop trying to control my life and just go where my wheels take me, or do I stare at it all and try to find the flaw in the future before me?
Aw, fuck it. I never did like maps much anyway, and I’m not one for allowing the past to dictate my future.
Say it with me now, change is good. Change is welcome. Change allows you to move away from what kept your wings bound behind you.
Change allows you to fly.