On Labels
After my blog post the other day on the young lady who distressed me so, and reading of another blog elsewhere, I got to thinking about labels and how we define ourselves. The thing to note about the previous blog post, importantly I believe, is that I have no issue with someone else’s lifestyle choice - if it is what makes them happy and what works for them. What I do have issue with is the assumption that, in this particular case, all women, given their druthers, would make that same choice. That somehow I have missed the mark by not seeing the relevancy of wishing to define myself by another’s measure of my inherent worth.
In the post, I identified myself as a feminist, which, undoubtedly, makes some people uncomfortable. I have dealt with this discomfort before, and have come to the conclusion that the discomfort that people feel when seeing that particular label is due to their own interpretation of what that label means.
It was suggested elsewhere that we should learn to see ourselves as others see us. And there is some validity in that statement. We should, by all means, work towards understanding how our own image of ourselves compares to how others perceive us. But we should not, in most cases, alter who we are at the core or alter our foundation of beliefs in order to fit more closely in with what others think of us.
Most of us identify by some label or another. It gives a quick synopsis of our core system of beliefs to others, without having to go into great detail or length. But it must be understood that we all have our own opinions of what certain labels mean.
By identifying as feminist, I am saying that I believe that while there are differences (wonderful differences even!) between men and women, I don’t believe that either sex is of more value than the other. I believe that there is an opportunity for equality between the two, and I expect to be treated as an equal. I don’t believe that women should rule over men, any more than I believe that men should rule over women. To someone else, the label feminist may mean something different. For some, feminist equates to man hater, or ball busting shrew.
I know that the view is out there, and I know that there are even people who believe that I hate men with a passion. An ex once told me he thought I hated men. I believe, and this is only belief as we really didn’t discuss what prompted the statement, he drew this conclusion based upon his interaction with me at a time when I was extremely angry with him. And at the point he made the statement, my distaste for his actions was palpable. Instead of assuming that I was angry with him for something he had done, he simply concluded that I must hate men. I thoughtfully reviewed his statement and realized that he was working on the assumption that his actions were within the bounds of acceptability and a pre-conceived notion of feminism in general. I rejected his label of man-hater and chalked it up to irreconcilable differences, c’est la vie.
There are other labels that I’ve identified with over the years, but as a continually evolving person, my labels change as I change. Most of us change over the years; as we encounter new people and new ideas, our sense of self grows to incorporate the new ideas.
For the most part, I am politically rather progressive with seriously liberal beliefs, so I will identify as liberal, or progressive, depending upon the situation. However, that identification does not encompass my personal life, which is, for the most part, rather laid back and even, sit down for this, conservative. I desire, above all, tranquility and stability, and will go to great lengths to have it in my home. However, I’m the mother of three, with two teenagers at home and one already out of the nest. Peace and quiet is a far off dream, but it’s my dream and I’m hanging on to it.
Spiritually, I identify as pagan; I don’t have a religion, but I do find comfort in the thought that there is something out there beyond what I am able to see and touch. But again, this identification does not encompass all of my life, only a part of it.
Put together liberal pagan feminist, and the picture some get is far from the reality of what is. The assumption has -often- been made that I must be a wild overtly sexual woman who rules as the queen and has men as her servants. There is the assumption that because I am pagan, and honor female divinity, and am liberal, I must also be Wiccan, practice the Great Rite, and be heavily into a polyamorous lifestyle.
Hardly.
No, stop that knee before it jerks. I do not believe that most people feel this way. However, there are enough of them out there as to make me uncomfortable. Simply because their idea of the labels that are associated with me are skewed to fit within their world beliefs enough that I have found myself being judged by their belief system.
And then there are those who would say that by not having, for example, a polyamorous lifestyle, that I am prudish.
And that, too, is hardly the case. But, there you go. On the one hand, some will chastise me for being a wild woman, and on the other some will chastise me for not being wild enough. But what both ends of that spectrum miss is that the truth of who I am lies not within their perception of the labels I have chosen, but of my own.
In the end, while I believe it is important that we understand how others see us, it is more important to have a full understanding of what our own labels mean to us. Perhaps we have no labels at all, some of us refuse to be categorized. Perhaps our labels overlap and even our own definitions of them can become confused. But as long as we are able to identify ourselves as singular entities then the labels become unimportant. They are just, after all, words and phrases used to capture ideas. Ideas which, for the most part, cannot be truly summed up in a quick few words.
What about you? Have you found that a label you use to identify yourself with is misconstrued by others? Is there a certain expectation of the type of person you should be based upon a label?
Discuss.