On Narcissism and Entitlement
This morning, Tetris quoted The Narcissist’s Entitlement of Routine: “I feel entitled to more. I feel it is my right - due to my intellectual superiority - to lead a thrilling, rewarding, kaleidoscopic life. I feel entitled to force life itself, or, at least, people around me - to yield to my wishes and needs.”
I have read this author before. He is Sam Vaknin, a self-described narcissist. He describes pathological narcissism thusly: “Pathological narcissism and its extreme form, NPD, is characterized by extreme lack of empathy. The narcissist regards and treats other people as objects to be exploited. He uses them to obtain narcissistic supply. He believes that he is entitled to special treatment because he harbours these grandiose fantasies about himself. The narcissist is NOT self-aware. His cognition and emotions are distorted.”
The thing is, we all have narcissistic traits. Every single one of us. It is when these traits are taken to the extreme that we begin to move from “normal human quirk” to pathological.
The pathological narcissist believes that they are superior to almost everyone else. They often have a very rich fantasy life filled with visions of unlimited success, brilliance, superior insight, etc. The narcissist believes that he is special, unique, and should be admired for his excellence (niceguyTM syndrome, anyone?) Two of the most telling traits are an overblown sense of entitlement (extremely unreasonable expectations of automatic compliance with their, usually, unreasonable demands) and a lack of empathy. The inability to see how their actions, or inactions, affect others is a very telling sign of the deep-seated issues they suffer from.
What’s peculiar to me is that, as Tetris stated, we are seeing this type of person more frequently now than in the past. Tetris believes the internet plays a role, and he’s probably correct. But, from where I’m standing, it’s not just the internet, it’s technology in general.
When I was a kid, one of my favorite foods was a baked potato. My mother showed me how to wrap a potato in aluminum foil, poke a few holes to allow steam out, and put it in the oven. For an hour. When my best friend got a microwave, we discovered you could make baked potatoes in ten minutes! Ten minutes! We were some potato eating fools.
Today? Toss that bitch in the microwave and it’s done in two minutes. No foil, no fuss, no waiting. Technology, baby. Want something? Push a button and it’s pretty much available. We live in a world where fast food is the norm, no one believes that they should have to wait in line, common courtesy is not so common, road rage is the rule instead of the exception, and a strong work ethic is more likely to get you taken advantage of than promoted.
Is technology to blame for all of it? No, that’d be a foolish thing to say. But it does play a role. And the rest? Some of it is genetic I am guessing, and some of it is all in how you were raised. If a child’s primary care taker is self-centered and believes that they are entitled to special treatment, the child will grow up with the same deluded vision of themselves.
I can sit here and chase my tail all day, but that doesn’t solve the problem. What does, though? What’s going to happen when today’s “me me me” people raise the next generation? Is this what hell is?
As for me, I refuse to participate in this sort of thing. There is no room in my life for crazy, and when you get right down to it, the pathological narcissist is, in short, two steps short of batshit insane.
How do you deal with people who honestly believe that they are so above the rest of us that they don’t have to live by the same rules as we do?
Discuss.