Organized Chaos (or “How I spent Tuesday night”)
A conversation last spring with my son:
Zach: Mom, there are ants all over my room!
Me: That’d be because of the food in your room.
Zach: I don’t have any food in my room!
Me: Yes you do. Not to mention empty soda cans.
Zach: *indignant* I do not! God! Why do you hate me?
Another conversation about two months ago with my son after walking in the house from work and being assaulted by the smell of dirty socks:
Me: Good god, what is that stench? ZACH!!!
Zach: What?!?
Me: For the love of all that is holy, would you do your laundry? Your dirty socks are stinking up the house!
Zach: I don’t smell anything.
Me: Everyone else does.
Zach: I’ll do it later, I want to go out with my friends.
Me: Do it now! You are stinking up the house!
Zach: *indignant* God! Why do you hate me?
A repeated conversation with Zach and Cricket:
Me: People, where the hell are all the towels?
Zach: In her room.
Cricket (at the same time): In his room.
Both, in unison: Nuh uh! You have all the towels!
Me: Oh for pity’s sake, can we just get the towels?
Both, in unison: I don’t have any!
Me: Fine, dry off with your clothes then after your shower!
Both, in unison: *indignant* GOD! Why do you hate me?
Another repeated conversation:
Me: Uh, guys? Could you please bring all of the cups, bowls, and such out of your rooms and into the kitchen?
Both, in unison: I don’t have any! I cleaned my room yesterday!
Me: Look, there are no glasses in the cabinet and none in the dishwasher, just bring them down and quit arguing with me!
Both, in unison: *door slam* GOD! Why do you hate me?
After work yesterday, I went home, geared up, and headed into my son’s room. I did this sometime back with my daughter’s room, even going so far as to take a shovel with me. Wow, was she pissed. But you know, I figure it this way: If she cared so much about it, it wouldn’t have been on the floor under a pile of garbage. *toss*
The task: Clean up the absolute disaster he left behind, including the closet and his dresser.
The supplies: Clorox Clean-up, Fantastic, Windex, paper towels, rubber gloves, tongs.
The outcome: No less than four loads of laundry, including one full load of socks that could have walked themselves to the washing machine and at least a full load of towels. Two gigantic Hefty bags of trash, including a bag of french fries, several half eaten candy bars, empty (and not so empty) chip bags, a good half dozen empty soda cans, five empty “cup of noodles” thingies (”I didn’t have any! Cricket ate them all!”), and more ripped up paper than you can shake a stick at! After a thorough cleaning of his closet, I was able to consolidate 6 boxes of random junk into four boxes of organized chaos: cds/dvds/games, various electronics, lights (think flashing neon things), and school work. Also found: no less than five jackets (”Wear your jacket, it’s cold today!” “I don’t have one!”) shoved in the bottom of his closet. A glass filled with water and nickels (uh, huh?), several bowls and spoons, a plate, and a few other cups and glasses. Various chip clips (”Hey, where did all the chip clips go?” “I don’t know, ask Cricket!”), rechargeable batteries, and other assorted odds and ends that I’ve been looking for. Oh, yeah, and school books that the school is charging me about 8 million dollars to replace.
And the most important thing of all? The room no longer stinks! Of course, the laundry room does now, and will until I finish all of his laundry tonight. But that’s easy after last night’s disaster!
Teenagers!