If the elevator still reeks after your hippy ass has gotten off on your floor, maybe that’s a sign that you should be a little less liberal in your application of your morning patchouli oil.
If the elevator still reeks 15 minutes later, definitely lay off.
Good god, must you bathe in it?
Thanks for the migraine, asshole!
That word, does it cause conflict inside of you?
Do you stare at it and wonder what it is asking of you? Is it asking you to give in? To roll over? To give up and let yourself be lost?
Maybe.
But for me that one word, those few letters, mean the difference between hope and hopelessness. Between sanity and insanity. Between a future of happiness and a past of pain.
Surrender.
Today I did something I wasn’t sure I’d have the courage to do. It was very painful, and it dredged up a lot of memories I’d rather have let fall away. But it was something that I needed to do, felt compelled to do. And once that thing was done, once the shame had passed and the burning of my tears faded away, I surrendered.
I carefully wrapped up all of the bits and pieces of that thing and tied them up in a neat little package. I gave that package to the Universe and let it take over. I have done my part, I have paid my price. What will come now is not up to me, I give it all away.
I surrender.
To the will, the desire, of God, the Universe, the Great Mother… to whatever.
It is no longer my burden to carry.
I am free.
Oh my goodness, I ate far too much. As usual, I cooked far too much. But, you know, that’s sort of what I do. I’ve learned to accept it, dammit!
It’s been a fantastic day. I’ve had a very good time with the kids. I’m mildly tweaked at the colds running around in my house, but I’m eating antiboitics like candy and refusing to let that funky little bacteria take hold of anything more than it already has. I refuse, I say!
I also learned something of interest today. It’s probably not a good idea to watch a rather graphic zombie movie (shut up, I like them!) right after stuffing yourself with food. *twitch* Just a little PSA from yours truly.
And I wonder why I have bad dreams sometimes?
Ha!
Zach arrived this afternoon and Drew is on his way now. Drew is bringing the lovely Jen with him. It’s going to be a full, noisy house for the next few days. And I love every single minute of it!
Drew has already thrown down the gauntlet by poking fun at my Matrix obsession. I had to remind him of the days when he used to play Magic the Gathering. If he keeps it up, I may just have to show Jen the video of “Elvis Stupid” and Drew doing a little hoochie-coo dance.
Never mess with Virgos! We remember everything!
Happy Thanksgiving, my friends! I hope you all have a warm and wonderful holiday filled with love and laughter. I love you all very much and I am blessed to know you.
And if the Universe can see fit to give me Keanu’s home number, I’d be very thankful for that, too! Matrix marathon tonight! Hubba hubba! Someone turn the fan on, it’s getting hot in here.
The invader I referred to isn’t actually an invader. It’s a bacteria that everyone already has, even you. It resides quite happily in your digestive tract and does quite a service for you.
However, in my case, it’s moved around a bit and has decided to go make itself at home in some other systems, where it does not belong.
I can’t take the antibiotics prescribed for me, they make me so incredibly sick that I can’t cope. It’s simply too much for me. What’s the point of gagging down a horse pill only to throw it up within a mere 20 minutes or so?
Yeah, that’s what I thought. Pointless.
I called the doctor this morning and left 8 million messages that I need something new. And then, because I simply couldn’t sit there home alone anymore, I came into the office.
Where colds and runny noses seem to be around every corner. Which, normally? Who cares, right? Sharing colds is what we do.
Except that I have a somewhat weakened respiratory system. That whole emphysema thing that I tend to ignore. And this particular little bug playing pinochle in my body right now?
I can’t even fucking type it.
Fuck this noise, somebody stop the planet. I want to get off.
My doctor? I hate her.
Okay, maybe not really her. My body? That I hate. Passionately.
Today’s lovely bit of news from the doctor was so upsetting to me that I took that afternoon off and have been hiding in my bedroom for the last three hours. Three hours of a seriously over-active imagination, I’m sure. However, when your doctor tells you to Leave Work Right This Minute And Go Pick Up Your Medication, it’s probably not good.
*blah*
Yes, I am being extremely pessimistic right now. I’ll return to bouncy later. Right now I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying for days. But that’s not an option, is it? Smile, gag down the pills, and try to pretend that you aren’t really alone. That’s the only option.
I’ll be over here in a hole for the next few days trying to kill some new freakish invader in my body.
So the big news making its way through the feminist blog scene today is coming out of Colorado, where an anti-choice group is now attempting to collect enough signatures to get a measure on the ballot that defines a fertilized egg as a person.
A person?
*blink*
Of course, it’s being done to pave the way to outlaw abortion. But I’m thinking if we are going to take it that far, let’s just do it all the way, shall we?
Hormone based contraceptives? Going to have to be banned. Sorry ladies, but it’s a known fact that your pill makes your uterus inhospitable to a fertilized egg.
Barrier based contraceptives? They interfer with the natural order of things. Banned.
You don’t even have to ask about emergency contraceptives, do you? Banned.
Miscarriage? That will have to be re-evaluated. I’m sure we can find a way to get you on manslaughter, you egg killing godless heathen.
Abortion? Clearly, that’s murder. You are goin’ to the pokey, bitch. And your doctor will be in the cell next to you.
I also suspect Colorado will need to institute, at a very minimum, required monthly gyno visits to ensure you are taking good care of the baby making machine. If you are found to not be taking care of it, I’m sure that can be grounds for some lawsuit or another.
What else? Ah, the most important thing of all. How does that egg get fertilized anyway? Oh, right, sperm.
Well, here’s the deal boys. Every time you spill that and an egg isn’t fertilized, you are taking a potential tax payer away from the state of Colorado. You are going to have to just stop that, right this minute! Think about the children!
Oh, and as far as being able to use your fertilized “persons” as a tax deduction? Don’t be silly, that would be going just a bit too far, don’t you think?
Mistress Sabre, she is tired. Oh so very tired. But she is also a very content and purring kitteh.
I took a personal day today to tend to some, well, personal stuff. That is why it is called a personal day, no? Half of what I needed to get done did not get done, which vexes me to no end. I still have the insane squirrel issue and the landlord has been somewhat lax in getting that tended to.
I swear to god I’m going to buy a shotgun and start blowing holes in the wall. I need sleep, and if I don’t get it soon, that furry little fucker is going -down-.
There have been, as always, very interesting twists and turns happening in my life. I’ve got several ongoing personal side projects that are actually in motion, a paying side gig coming up shortly, more reading material than you can shake a stick at, and an increasingly busy social schedule.
My life is, if nothing else, interesting. It’s often a little frustrating, as well. You get to a point in your life where you say to yourself, “Okay, enough of treading water, it’s time to swim,” and inevitably, some joker wants to tether you to a buoy. Yeah, bazooka time, beotch.
Being alone definitely has its perks. It helps that I actually enjoy my own company and am happy with the person that I am. I’ve been busy reading and working through a lot of questions and internal nagging and have come to the conclusion that I’m pretty much sane and normal. I’ve met some very interesting people lately, one in particular who helps to reinforce the fact that I am quite sane and normal.
That is a blessed bit of knowledge. It is more valuable to me than anything sparkly or shiny.
My weekdays consist mainly of quiet downtime with my daughter, giggling with my girlfriends on the phone, and doing pretty much whatever I please, when I please. I stop off at my local pub once a week or so to say hello and have a Guinness, usually with a book in one hand and my iPod touch in the other. Yeah, I know, nerdville. Bite me, k? I happen to like it that way.
Weekends are generally full of various wanderings, hitting the bookstore to research new titles, the obligatory pub stop, a house full of friends and all around just chilling out and remembering how much I truly enjoy my world. Rumor has it there are upcoming museum trips, but I’m still playing that one by ear.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to just sit and enjoy myself without the oppressive sense of some inane wrong doing. Still keeping the drinking to a minimum. You know I love my Guinness, but hangovers? Not so much. I also rather like clarity. It’s amazing how much I can actually see when I’m not over indulging.
Life is a maze, the challenge is to navigate it successfully and continue to grow. That’s what I’m doing, growing. And it’s an amazing journey.
I hope you all are well. I am fortunate to have friends and people who care, even if you are far away and not here for me to hug.
Here’s to your own amazing journey! Cheers!
I woke last night from one of the worst nightmares I have had in awhile. I swear, my heart must have been doing about 130 bpm, it was that intense. The sheets were covered in sweat and I think I may have actually been crying.
I tried to focus on something different, but even as the memory of the dream faded, I was still struggling with the fear left behind. Since I couldn’t shake it, I got my little butt out of the bed and wandered down stairs and logged onto my computer. I found a lovely e-card from a new friend (if you ever see this, thank you!) and then spent some time perusing my favorite kittehs. Wonderful distractions, both.
I finally got myself tired enough to return to sleep, but sadly, my dreams were wonky for the rest of the night. I was actually rather thankful when the alarm went off at stupid o’clock.
If this trend of bad dreams continues, I fear I’m going to have to give myself a lobotomy!
For now, I’m just going to suck down about 20 cups of coffee, paint a smile on my face, and crawl into my workload! That should get my mind off whatever nonsense my brain is attempting to tell me.
As if I don’t already know…