Fuck! My potato! (Breakup Lines)
Blog note: The title refers to the comment thread on myspace. You’ll have to look there to see what the hell was so amusing.
Once you get to be my age, and haven’t managed to actually settle down into a comfortable life time commitment, you tend to have a lot of stories about breaking up, and the little lines people use when they really just don’t know what to say.
And, of course, usually being the one who is getting dumped, instead of the one doing the dumping, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to figure out what this stuff really means. So for your entertainment and amusement, here’s my list of favorite breakup lines (yes, I’ve heard every single one of these) and my interpretation of what they really meant.
Give me your favorites, and interpretation, in the comments!
I need some time on my own.
Not really, I just don’t want to date you anymore and can’t really find a good enough reason.
We’ve grown apart.
Actually, you’ve grown a lot, and I’m not really capable of growth. Change scares me.
We want different things.
You want to be with me, and I want to be with a lot of other people.
I’m just not ready to be in a relationship at this time.
Seriously, I just want to score, a lot.
I love you, but I’m not in love with you.
What I mean to say is I can’t really stand to wake up next to you anymore, but we had some good times, so I’ll keep your phone number for when I get hard up.
I need to find myself.
A friend turned me on to this great hookup site, and I’m pretty sure I can score more if I don’t have to spend time with you.
I need some space.
Stop calling and texting me. I know I told you it was fine, but when I said I was out with the guys, I was actually out looking for a new girlfriend and she wants you to stop texting me.
I just want to be friends.
I think I found someone else, but just in case, I’d like to keep you around.
It’s what’s best for you.
I’ll be out sleeping around, and you aren’t going to like it much.
And my all time favorite:
It’s not you, it’s me.
Okay, really, it’s you. I can’t stand looking at you anymore. Okay, maybe it is me. But I’m going to blame it on you anway.
It occurs to me that I’ve become very cynical. Wonder if there’s any medication for that?