And it’s a fanfuckingtastic start to the weekend!
The only large burner on my stove decided to take a nose dive last night. In a rather spectacular fashion, I might add. And when it went, it took the whole bloody stove/oven with it.
How so, you may ask?
So here I am, in major cleaning and cooking mode last evening, trying to prepare for some friends coming over to BBQ tonight. I’m cleaning like a mad woman, dancing all over the house with my duster (oh, do stop giggling, I can so dance!), with a pot of potatoes going on the stove. Because, you know, potato salad is always better when it’s made ahead of time.
I wander over to check on the progress of my lovely little friends, and lo! What do I see? Nothing. I see nothing. Not so much as a tiny bubble rising from the pot.
Please to be recalling that this place I call home is not, shall we say, up to today’s standards.
I’ve had some issues with this particular burner before. It’s temperamental, sort of like yours truly. So I give it a little wiggle, as that had worked many times previously. Because, you know, when in doubt, wiggle or kick.
*BAM*
Sparks fly three feet across the room, and I stand there, completely dumbfounded. I wander down to the basement and try to reset the breaker, but alas, it doesn’t want to be reset.
Now, it should also be noted that by this time, all I needed was one little push to set off the tears due to something completely unrelated. And that’s all it took to get it rolling, so of course, the brain is not fully engaged.
I kick the wall, curse a blue streak, you know, the usual.
Eventually, I did get the breaker to reset. So I wander back up the stairs, stare at the stove warily, move the pot to another burner and note that even though all the dials are in the off position, the stove top light is shining brightly, taunting me. As I scratch my head in wonder, the bad burner decides it’s a good time to display some more fireworks.
Except this time? There was shrapnel. Sparks and metal, flying across the room. Pretty! Not really so much, but a girl has to have something to smile about!
Needless to say, at that point I pretty much gave up on ever using it again. Hell, I don’t even like looking at it today, it scared me that badly. So no stove, no oven. Yeah, that makes someone who likes to cook oh so happy.
This morning, I wake to find that something (probably the raccoon from last summer) has had dinner in my garbage can. Well, rather, he took the dinner from my garbage can and strung it across the yard. And neglected to clean up after himself. Furry little bastard.
So after cleaning up a mound of garbage, I decide it’s a good time to get busy with the yard work. The mower complained, the weed-eater is being a total and complete bitch, and I’ve pretty much hit my limit on how much fun I can have today.
And I’m supposed to be entertaining tonight?
Seriously?
At this point, all I can manage to entertain is the thought that at some point, the universe is either going to cut me a break, or I’m going to become the next highway shooter.