In a weird space, contemplating life, and love, and friendship.

Friendship is one of the most profoundly beautiful things on the planet, and I’m thankful for every last one of my actual, real, friends who respect my feelings and don’t walk on me or my spirit of generosity and good will.

All of you, you know who you are. And a special note to a wonderful friend living in limbo right now and contemplating her own meaning of life, I’m always here for you.

Real friends are something to be cherished and prized. And if you are the type of person who doesn’t realize that, who does and says hurtful things because you are so self centered, perhaps you should take a good look at your life and wonder why it is as it is.

Our lives are exactly what we make of them. And if you insist on treating the people who care for you as if they are objects for your amusement, don’t be so surprised when the stronger of them finally wake up and turn their back on you.

Regarding that incident… Yeah so, apparently some people don’t understand when they’ve crossed a line and will continue to send you text after text inquiring as to what you are doing.

::headdesk::

I promise to get back to blogging sooner rather than later. Still trying to work out some kinks on a side project, been running around all of the Metro DC area catching up with friends old and new, and basically enjoying my time off from mommy-hood.

Zach is coming to visit for two weeks on Saturday and I’m pretty excited to be seeing him again. I don’t get to see him enough. Speaking of… any Trillian pro users out there want to explain why I can’t view his (msn) webcam? I don’t have one, but I should be able to see his, yes? The Trillian help files are a mess to wade through, so if you know, help a bitch out, would you?

I have a ton of pictures from the girls weekend that I need to get posted, we had a blast. Even got new tattoos. I need to get them all organized and resize some for the web and then I’ll share.

Sorry I’ve been lax in my communications with some of you, but I think you have a pretty good idea of what’s been going on in my world and why there’s been so much silence from me. After all, most of you have been with me for years and have seen this happen to me time after time.

I’m off to dreamland.

Toodles!

What the hell is up with “friends” who don’t understand the meaning of the word “no” and keep insisting that the best way to get over a broken heart is to have sex with them? Obviously, that’s not a friend. More like, ugh, a vulture.

Last night I was slightly put off, but when I got up this morning, I realized I was actually pretty damn pissed off.

When a woman says no, respect it.

When a woman asks you to stop touching her, just stop.

When a woman asks you to leave, just get the fuck out.

The funny thing is, there was a small chance that at some point I might have become interested in him. That small chance has gone to absolute no fucking way in hell thanks to his lack of understanding the word no.

The part that has got my knickers in a twist the most? I didn’t even realize how pissed off I was until I woke up. I separated myself from my emotions last night and refused to acknowledge them. I tried to focus on the positive aspects of the evening, tried to find a reason to believe that this was NOT happening to me again.

Screw this, leaving town for the day. I’m beginning to hate NoVa. I’m outa here. Back tomorrow.

Dear friends, a new rule for my life. Help a bitch out and adhere to it.

My cell phone is to be removed from my presence after the third glass of wine or second beer. Hide that bitch so I can’t see it and can’t use it. If you have to, sit on my hands or tie me down. Oooohhh.

Left to my own devices, I will text myself straight to hell. Please do your civic duty and make sure this doesn’t happen. There’s plenty of reasons for me to go to hell, texting shouldn’t be one of them.

kthxbai!

Once upon a time, in a Wonderland far removed from this one, someone gave me a beautifully personalized copy of the following. It served me then, and I guess it will serve me now. It reminds me that no matter what happens from here forward, what I’ve been through, what I’ve already managed to survive, has made me far stronger than I can sometimes believe.

When this was given to me, it came to me with a small stone with the word “AND” carved into it. I carried that stone everywhere as a reminder of who and what I am. Given that lately I find myself falling more often than soaring, I suppose it’s time to start carrying it again. At least until I can feel my wings once more.

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Imagine, if you will, a trinket so simple, so common, as to be nothing more than an every day household object. Imagine, if you will, something as nondescript as a simple copper fitting, sitting on the bathroom sink.

Imagine that when you see it, you are reminded of a moment in your life where you dared to believe. A moment so pure in its sweetness and simplicity that every time you see that small object, your heart skips a beat and you feel a fluttering in your stomach.

Imagine, if you can, the moment in which that belief, that dream, is harshly stripped away from you, and the object that once brought you such joy can now bring you to your knees from the pain. When the seeing of it reminds you of the reality of the world, and the loss of something so precious that you find yourself reaching for it, wanting to throw it away, remove it from your sight.

Imagine being unable to do it, because the memory of that moment, that sweet simple moment, is still burning brightly somewhere behind the pain. It is still echoing through your heart, like a siren’s call behind the banshee’s wail.

Imagine.

Stephanie arrived today, and after we were done dealing with our own special brand of Missed Connections at the airport, we got the weekend started off on the right foot. With music and drinks all around! And a couple of cloves for yours truly, courtesy of a lovely camera wielding snap happy new friend. Almost forgot how truly sublime clove cigarettes are. *happy sigh*

Not much dancing to be done, woe is me, woe is me. But we had a fabulous time all the same and were introduced to some lovely people.

And if somebody ends up not going to the beach with his friend, looks like he’s cooking breakfast on Saturday morning. Stephanie decreed it to be so!

Hope he knows how much I like bacon…

Just when you think life has pretty much kicked the absolute living shit out of you and a door slams shut, you find another one slowly opening.

Ah, choices. To walk through, or to turn away? To live for my dreams, or to live for the moment?

Whatever is a girl to do?

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

- Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

Yeah, you’ve seen this up here a million times before. And I’ll repost it every single time I find myself faced with paralyzing fear.

Blatantly stealing this from Christopher, a short film called “Real Love”:

*sniffle* I’m going to go pretend I’m still real now, kthxbai.