Something someone once shared with me
Once upon a time, in a Wonderland far removed from this one, someone gave me a beautifully personalized copy of the following. It served me then, and I guess it will serve me now. It reminds me that no matter what happens from here forward, what I’ve been through, what I’ve already managed to survive, has made me far stronger than I can sometimes believe.
When this was given to me, it came to me with a small stone with the word “AND” carved into it. I carried that stone everywhere as a reminder of who and what I am. Given that lately I find myself falling more often than soaring, I suppose it’s time to start carrying it again. At least until I can feel my wings once more.
To a Wounded Angel
You’re so brave, so strong, so beautiful, and you can fly so high. I’m so often in awe of you, did you know that? And believe me when I say to you now that I value you every bit as much when you’re stooping as when you soar. Right now, settled on the ground, with your wings folded down around you, I think I love you even more.
Everything happens for a reason good people have told you, and you’ve done your very best to believe them. This philosophy offers such comfort and peace. And in retrospect, when looking back upon my own life, for the most part, it rings true. So much that was painful or disappointing later proved to serve me. And I know with all of my heart that your own hurt will serve you. But I can’t offer up that everything happens for a reason to you. My throat closes around those words the moment they occur to me, and bitterness rises up to meet them.
How can there possibly be a reason for women to be tortured physically, sexually, emotionally or spiritually? There is no reason. And I’ve long since given up my quest to acquire one. I refuse to tell you that the devastation that you suffered happened for a reason. What acceptable reason could there possibly be?
As an advocate, I’ve looked into too many pain filled eyes. Eyes that reflect a tortured experience, eyes that ask why? WHY? And you know what? There never was a why that I found acceptable. Not a single explanation that was ever good enough for me.
And so my tired angel, I come to you emptied of answers. I can’t take away your WHY and replace it with an explanation. I wish I could. I want so very much to take your pain away.
Because I cannot take away, I come to you with a modest offering. One so small, that I’m humbled as I hold it out to you. It’s a small stone with one word engraved upon its surface. The word is AND.
You were hurt very badly AND yet in spite of the hurt, you’ve grown. You were deeply wounded AND still you survived. You were exposed to the worst in human behavior AND yet you’ve always tried to give your best. Your voice was silenced AND still you’ve heard and responded to the pain of others. You were touched by evil AND you’ve chosen to embrace goodness. You were betrayed AND still you seek to trust. You’ve been vulnerable and exposed AND still you’ve sheltered lost souls with your wings. Your agony can’t be denied, but neither my precious friend can all of the AND’s that are contained within you. They too have shaped you, and even as your pain has left you grounded, they surely make up the magic that will lead you once again to fly. Take them with you.
Tammie Fowles, LISW, Ph.D.