As I begin contemplating dating again, I’m arming myself with a small, but growing, list of things that are said on dating profiles - and what they really mean.  Based solely upon my own experience, natch.

So let’s take a look at Sabre’s List O’ Profile Warnings, shall we?

1.  “I like to have fun.”

Well, thanks for sharing that, Sparky.  I’m pretty sure we all like to have fun.  That you feel the need to point that out makes me wonder what your definition of fun is.  You might want to clarify this a little bit.

2.  “I’m an old-fashioned guy.”

Translated:  “I would like for you to do my laundry for me.”  Oh, sure, you say you like to open doors and all that, but sooner or later you are going to start up with the grousing about how women today can’t accept compliments without thinking it’s harassment.  Might want to re-think that position.

3.  “My friends say…”

Uh huh, considering that I’m not looking to date your friends, their opinion of you at this early stage is really not of consequence.  What do you say about you?

4.  Pictures of your car

If you’ve rebuilt, modded it, played with it, okay I get that.  But a picture of your expensive import just to impress the ladies?  You are the same guy that will cry about how awful the “gold diggers” are.

5.  “No drama.”

If you honestly have to put on your profile that you don’t want to deal with drama, chances are you deal with it a lot.  And chances are that you are the one perpetuating it.  Seriously, every single guy I’ve met who uses those words, or a variation, on his profile?  Without a doubt, the most drama infatuated people on the planet.

6.  Lack of correct spelling and/or punctuation.

Okay, maybe this one is just me being snobby.  But if you can’t take five minutes to run your profile through a spell checker before posting it, you have serious issues.  Yes, grammar counts!

7.  Over abundance of “u” instead of “you” or the like.

This is not a text message, there is plenty of space.  Please, for the love of FSM, spell the word out!  It doesn’t take that long!

As I slowly begin to contemplate this whole dating thing again, I’m realizing that maybe it’s just not worth the hassle of having to go through so many profiles just to find that one that intrigues me.

Oh who am I kidding?  Of course I’ll go through them all!  If for nothing more than a good giggle.  Who knows, maybe the right man is out there in all of that mess somewhere.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 10th, 2009 at 1:25 am and is filed under Dating, Random Amusements. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.