While talking about plans for Thanksgiving dinner... Ed: Would you like to do hot buttered rums? Me: Why is this even a question? … [Read more...]
What the hell is all this, anyway?
Religious Experience
A group of friends was over for noms... Friend: I'm having a religious experience at Cristina's house. Me: Heh. We even have Jesus all up in this bitch. (It should be noted that another friend … [Read more...]
Chicken Pot Pie
Me, looking at the timer on the oven: An hour?!? Cook fast, I'm dying! Mr. Smartypants Ed: Do you think you'll be dead before it's done? Me: Yes, I'm dying! Mr. SoNotGettingAnyTonight: Oh, good. … [Read more...]
Princess
Ed, whilst complaining that the grill charred his chicken: I'm thinking of switching to charcoal. Me, the MOTHERF'ING PRINCESS who doesn't like to mess with charcoal: You shut your mouth! He … [Read more...]
Hydrating
Whilst I was working out... Crickett: Want me to work out with you? Me: *stepping off treadmill* Sure! Crickett: *getting on treadmill* Oh nice hydrating liquid, Mom! Me: *staring at a bottle … [Read more...]
Creation Story
So, you know how everyone is all, "Well, but what caused the big bang? Huh? Can't explain that can you?" My personal belief is that the big bang was caused by a multidimensional large dog farting. … [Read more...]
Brutal Killer
Stinkbug: Good morning, madam! Lovely home you have here! Me: Eeeeeewwww *twitch* Stinkbug: I say, if you attempt to squish me, I shall lift my bum and spray you. Me: Are you threatening me? … [Read more...]