I haven’t posted a thing since October.  Probably because I got so damn depressed when a second surgery was required in early November.  Since then I’ve been slowly recovering and trying to put my life back together.

This weekend is when it all finally happens.  I’m moving back into my own place, going back to work full time effective Monday, and gaining some semblance of sanity once again.

I hope that I’ll be blogging more often once I’m settled in, but if you’ve been around this long, you know that I tend to get easily distrac…

Ooooohhhh SHINY!!

In a post on Facebook earlier today, I noted that I have a hard time with a mindset that harbors unresolved anger.  Which, for me, is very odd, because in the past, I’ve had no problem harboring secret dreams of revenge or feelings of ill will towards others.  I’ve struggled with it on and off all of my life.  Something about having a very close brush with death changed that, though.  I simply can’t find it within myself to be angry for very long.  Even when someone deserves said anger.

This thinking led to a very simple concept in my mind.  I simply don’t give a damn.  There’s nothing that important that I have to hold on to it and let it poison my own mind or heart.  I’ve attempted to move through the world with an open heart, but sometimes I would get bogged down with the details.  I can’t seem to do that these days, the details are just… meh.  The negative details, that is.

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I’ve gotten a couple of emails lately asking me where I’ve been and how I’m doing.  If you sent me one, I’m replying, I promise.  I’m just really slow and lazy these days.  I blame Prince Vicodin.

A quick update… I’m still not able to walk.  My leg simply can’t hold the weight up yet.  I return to the doctor on the 23rd and hopefully he’ll clear me to start using weights so I can get the muscles back into shape.  I’m still pretty swollen at the top of my thigh, but closer to the knee and calf is now uber skinny.  I would not have minded losing a few pounds, but several pounds of much needed muscle is totes not cool.

I have been able to get out on occasion, but leaving the house requires massive planning and coordination.  There’s the one crutch/two crutch game to get down the stairs - one going down the steps inside and getting to the door, two on the landing, one going down the outside steps, and two once I hit the sidewalk.  Then there’s the wheelchair game - can it fit into the car?  Is the person taking me strong enough to lift it up and get it back out?  Did the leg things get knocked out of alignment again?  And, inevitably, there’s the “oh hell, I forgot my painkillers” moment as I realize I’ve been gone longer than I thought I would be.

All in all, it beats the hell out of sitting in the house talking to Teddy and trying to keep Enzo from eating him.  And seriously, there is only so much television I can handle.  Especially daytime television.  I now remember why I hardly ever had that thing on.  My brain, it hurts!

On August 8, I was admitted to the hospital with a badly fractured femur and other assorted injuries.  All the result of a very nasty motorcycle accident.  On August 9, I underwent surgery to repair my femur.  My stay in the hospital lasted until August 12, at which point I was begging to be released.

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So yesterday I went to the neurologist and got all wired up for a 48 hour EEG. I have several electrodes covered in gauze and glued (yes, GLUED) to my head. The electrodes all connect to wires that go into a backpack I’m forced to tote around.

Here’s a picture I took drew:

Okay, so I’m not an artist… sue me

For the curious, basically they are looking to see if the big fat white spot in the below image is mucking up my brain:

Click to embiggen

Srsly? You have to ask if a cyst the size of a golfball might be mucking up the brains its displacing? Ooookay then.

*mumble*mumble*

I know I neglect this little blog, and my friends on here, and for that I do apologize. I’ve had quite a lot going on in my little corner of the world. My last blog was rather vague in what I was dealing with, but at the time I was still in a state of shock after a conversation with my doctor. Now that I’ve gotten used to what is going on, I’ve come to somewhat accept it and have turned to making random jokes about it. I presume that most of the people who read this know what’s going on, but just in case, here we go…

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After a lovely weekend of goofing off with friends, I found myself yesterday with slightly irritated eyes. This has been an on and off thing as of late, my contacts seem to have caused some type of minor infection in my pretty little orbs. I’m becoming used to it, and have been pretty good about taking my contacts out a lot more than I would normally to give my eyes a rest.

This morning I woke up and got ready for work, with my eyes still slightly irritated. I opted to not cram contacts in my eyes and just go into work with my glasses on.

And that’s when the fun began!

While it’s slightly overcast outside, to me it is excruciatingly bright. So bright that I can barely hold my eyes open. Even with sunglasses. Dedicated employee that I am, I drove in anyway, damn near driving myself into a wall at one point.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Stupid move on my part, but stupidity seems to be the nature of my life these days.

At any rate, I made it in, alive and mostly unscathed. But now I’m stuck at the office with no way to get back to the other side of the river and fighting the urge to find the darkest room available and just lock myself in it.

On days like today, the thought of just skipping out on life in general becomes more and more solid in my brain.

So this morning I had to go get more testing done. Oh joy of joys! I never did get in touch with anyone yesterday to find out if I should fast or not, so I erred on the side of caution and didn’t eat anything last night and stopped drinking before midnight. Not even my beloved bedtime glass of water!

And of course, no coffee this morning. Keep that in mind as you peruse my tale of woe, friends, I was decaffeinated.

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Please note, it’s roughly 2:45 in the afternoon. This is important data.

I called the facility I’m supposed to be going to for more testing (omg, I am so sick of being poked and prodded!) only to be greeted by a very poorly worded recording blathering on about the address and hours of operation. *ahem* Hours of operation being Monday through Friday, 7:30 am to 4:00 pm.

I waited paitently to be directed to press 1 to speak to someone in English, press 2 for Spanish, press 3 to nuke the place. Why? Because I have questions! Do I need to fast? Should I come in the morning or afternoon? How long will the tests take?

But nooooooo, none of that happens. The recording instructed me to call back during normal business hours…

The hell?

Has the entire world gone stupid on me?

Uproarious humor at the doctor’s office today:

I am to cut the following out of my diet: caffeine, peppermint, fatty foods, and alcohol.

*ahem*

I am not a nice person without my morning coffee. Anyone who has ever spent more than a few minutes with me in the morning knows this. Do not get between me and the coffee pot, I can and will bite.

Peppermint? Are you kidding me? Taking away my Altoids? Noooooooooo… That’s an afternoon ritual before getting on the road to go home. A handful of Altoids to nibble on.

Fatty foods, eh, this isn’t a big deal. K, wait, does that include nuts? Oh hell no. French fries I can live without. Peanuts? Pistachios? No no no.

Alcohol? Hang on, I have an answer for that. *middle finger*

This here aging thing and I are not getting off to a good start.