So I was bored this morning and said, “You know what would be fun? Let’s visit the doctor again! That’s always a blast!” My iPod battery was dead, so I sat around trying to catch up with work email. The excitement, it bounds.

Bah.

Issue number one: If you work in a doctor’s office, perhaps you should be among the more enlightened people who know that coughing and constantly wiping snot on your sleeve is a good reason to stay the fuck home. If I get your nasty germs, bitch, I’m raiding your house on Christmas Eve and taking all your kids K-Mart toys.

Issue number two: I’m not here to socialize. I want to leave my “samples”, talk to my doctor, and get the hell out. Thanks for complimenting my pants, I told you where you could find them, now stop staring at me and get back to work!

Issue number three: Can you get an “occupied” marker for the potty room? I’d like to leave said samples in peace. Have you any idea how hard it is to pee in that little cup without getting it on the outside when someone is banging on the door?

Issue number four: Dear Doctor, when your patient has an unresolved issue, perhaps mentioning the various forms of cancer that can cause her symptoms is a little premature. Especially after you freaked her out just a few weeks ago by telling her she had a killer bacteria running wild in her system. Perhaps, just perhaps, you could learn to curb that sort of discussion until you have test results in hand.

Kthnxbai!

As mentioned previously, I had to go in for a long over due looksee at the lungs recently. If you haven’t been here awhile here’s the short version: I found out, quite by accident, a couple of years ago that I am in the beginning stages of emphysema. Mmmm… yummy.

For quite a while, I had continued to not smoke and exercise, but stress earlier this year pushed me over the edge and I found myself lighting up more often than not. With my move over the summer, I found myself having trouble catching my breath a bit more frequently than in the past. After a bit of procrastination, I made an appointment with my doctor and we scheduled an afternoon of fun and excitement at the local imaging center.

This morning I arrived at work to see my voice mail light dutifully blinking at me (yes, sadly, even the devil’s daughter is oft times forced to maintain a semblance of normalcy and have a job.) The good news is that there has been no change in my lungs since my last scan. And as long as I can keep that up, I’ll be around to rant and rave for centuries to come.

I believe I spoke with most of you regarding the biopsy, but for those who were looking for updates here, I apologize for not doing this sooner. The short version is that the second doctor I saw believes there is absolutely nothing to worry about. While I have an MRI scheduled for early December, she is quite confident that this will turn up nothing that we need to be concerned with. Yay for that! The longer version is a bit more complicated than all that, but I think the short version will suffice for the internets.

I’ve been busy busy busy (can you be *that* busy?) getting ready for the sacrificial turkey, planning some interesting side projects to work on (yes, I know I should probably finish the ones I’ve started, but I like overwhelming myself), and basically being Supermom. And then, of course, there is that whole work thing. What with them expecting me to actually, you know, work and all.

There will be more to come later… stewing on a couple of things that I need to spit out before they kill me. Some of what’s going on in my head is a direct result of the biopsy post, and some is just me being, well, me. Hopefully, I’ll have time before I have to kill the bird, but most likely not.

See you soon!

Thankfully October is over, with all of its pink ribbons and commercials and walks and other boob insanity. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lovely little pink ribbon on my car (I am such a girl!) and am all about us women taking our breasts more seriously than simply objects for sexual gratification. My mother died from breast cancer when she was a mere 36 years old. Her older sister also died from it, a little older, but still well before menopause even thought about kicking in. My remaining aunt lives by the adage of “not if, but when.”

I am faithful in my mammograms, and had one done in October like a million other women. I try to take it all in stride. But tonight maybe not so much striding, and more of panicky self-indulgence.

Read the rest of this entry »

According to the American Lung Association: Over 3.1 million Americans have been diagnosed with emphysema, of which 91% were 45 years of age or older. Emphysema rarely occurs in those under 45.

I’m not even 40 yet! *shakes fist at sky*

Read the rest of this entry »