While sitting on the back patio Friday night a conversation came up regarding feminism. It was a brief conversation, but it occurred to me that even in 2006 there are still so many misconceptions on what feminism is, and what it is not.

I can’t speak on behalf of the entire movement, and I most certainly can’t speak on behalf of the 3rd wave (what with me being just a wee bit too old to be one of those fierce little bitches, Goddess bless ‘em), but I can speak for myself.

Might I suggest stopping here, taking a bathroom break, getting coffee, and then coming back to read? Get comfy, this is going to be a long one.

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Hooboy, here it is… Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Oh how terribly exciting! Every single year my doctors see fit to scare the shit out of me. Not this year, you soul sucking bastards! Screw the mammogram, screw the ultrasound, screw the unneeded biopsy. I’m going straight for the MRI. Take that!

For the fifth year running, a group of bloggers is promoting the Annual Boobie-Thon. The premise is… interesting. You send in pictures of your boobies. They put your boobies on their website and charge people $50 a pop to peek at them, if they are bare that is. Covered boobies are free to look at. The money is then donated to either The Komen Foundation or Children’s Hospital Boston.

According to the site, “If they’re worth looking at, they’re worth saving!”

Uh. Yeah.

Breast cancer isn’t about not being able to look at someone’s tatas for pleasure anymore. Breast cancer is about life and death. It destroys more than just boobs, it destroys lives, victim and surviving family alike. And I am more than just a place for my boobs to rest.

Needless to say, I won’t be sending in a picture. Knock yourself out if you want to, I’m not here to judge you. It’s a good cause, and while the Komen Foundation is one big marketing machine, some research is better than no research I suppose.

If you’d like an alternative, check out one of my absolute favorite bloggers, Twisty at I Blame The Patriarchy. For every person that doesn’t send her a boob shot, she’ll donate $1 to Breast Cancer Action. Her deadline is midnight Tuesday.

And don’t forget ladies, get your mammograms done. If you are 40 and over, get busy making your appointment. If you are like me and have a serious family history of this disease, start getting them done when you are 30. And get them done Every Single Year. No good comes from waiting.

Part 1: The Second Coming of the Hysterical Woman

I learned something new this week. When being shuffled out of the window office that you didn’t really earn because you’ve only been employed by the company for 2.5 seconds and most everyone with seniority over you resents, use tears and loud dramatic sniffling to ensure you get to stay in that coveted spot.

Don’t employ reason. Don’t act rationally. Certainly, don’t accept the fact that office shuffling happens a lot at your company. Above all, don’t be graceful and pack your box and just move. No. What you should do is cry. Loudly. Dramatically. To your immediate supervisor. To your immediate supervisor’s boss. To anyone who will listen to you - which is to say the entire company because you are so loud you can be heard over incoming jets. Turn red, wail, get the water works really going.

On behalf of all professional women everywhere, I’d like to thank you for your lack of pride and rational thinking. Thank you for reminding the male staff that women are irrational and prone to hysterics. Bitch!

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From WaPo: The Food and Drug Administration approved an application today making the long-debated emergency contraceptive Plan B, commonly known as the “morning-after pill”, available without a prescription to women 18 and older.

About damn time. Thank you for recognizing we know what’s best for ourselves. Pharmacists nationwide have begun refusing to fill prescriptions for birth control, citing religious reasons. Of course, these same pharmacists probably don’t have a problem filling a Viagra prescription. Because, you know, 50 year old men getting it on is God’s will. Preventing pregnancy is not. Of course, neither is shutting the fuck up and paying your taxes to support the babies that you wouldn’t allow someone to prevent, but I digress.

This is a serious victory for women, even if it’s a limited one. Plan B is only available OTC to women 18 and over. Younger women will require a prescription still.

One day, in my dream world, future generations will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. But for now, expect to see protests at your local pharmacy from the freaks who think all women should be barefoot and pregnant. Hrmmm, wonder if they read Forbes.

From the “I Should Stop Looking at the News” department:

According to ESPN.com, Reuben Droughns of the Cleveland Browns is very apologetic. *cough*

Droughns is accused of throwing his wife, Kellie, to the ground and onto a bed before throwing her outside and locking the door during a May 12 altercation at their suburban Denver home.

[...]

Droughns, who rushed for 1,232 yards last season, apologized in June for “bringing this negative attention to the team once again.”

Nice to know he cares.

In my last post, one of the things I mentioned being disgusted with was the judge in the Chicago area video rape case…

In another highly publicized video rape case, there is finally a little justice. The infamous OC Three received six years. Not quite what I would have given them.

I would ask you to please read the victim’s statement. Read it to yourself, read it quietly, and ask yourself, “What if this was my daughter?” And then read it again. Can you tell me that six years is enough? If you aren’t moved, if you aren’t angry, then I suspect you are either dead, dying, or, as they say down south, in need of a killin’.

As the saying goes, if you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.

Let me just put the disclaimer in here now. If you are a co-worker, this is your opportunity to click out and go read something nice and warm and fluffy. If you choose to stay, don’t stare at me funny tomorrow.

I’m still up to my neck in alligators at work, hence my lack of posting here, or elsewhere for that matter. But I’m supposed to blog today, because it’s Blog Against Sexism Day. And I can’t.

I’m sorry, I haven’t the words. I stare at the world I live in and I want to shake people until their eyes fall out. I want to scream from the rooftops that we are killing our daughters, that we are stripping them of their right to be human. Will it do any good?

Blog Against Sexism. What in the hell does that mean anyway? Will we all write about how outraged we are that South Dakota sucks monkey balls? How shocked we are that the Italian government has lost their collective minds? How disgusted we are that a judge tried to force a young woman to watch a video of her own rape and then rejoice because he changed his mind? How dismayed we are that one of those rapists was acquitted?

And on and on and on…

Does it do any good? If someone, somewhere, will tell me that all of this collective rage and anger will accomplish something, count me in. Otherwise, color me just one more outraged woman living in a world I can barely tolerate. I’m too tired to be this angry.

Stop the world, this uterus wants to get off.

On the 33rd anniversery of Roe V. Wade, G.W. Bush proclaimed the day as National Sanctity of Human Life Day. The question isn’t whether or not human life is sacred or holy, but whose life is sacred or holy.

At last count, over 2200 US citizens have died in Iraq. This does not even begin to address the Iraqi victims. The actual number is unknown, and often in dispute, but even Dear Leader states it is in the tens of thousands.

In New Orleans, people are still awaiting the much promised FEMA trailers. The death toll is now over 1,300.

According to the National Poverty Center, over 13 million children lived in poverty in 2004. 13,000,000 sacred, holy lives. Living in poverty. Meantime, state goverments cut welfare and the federal government pushes for permanent tax cuts.

Since 1976, the United States has excecuted over 1000 human beings. Oddly enough, it would seem that the biggest supporter of the death penalty is often “pro-life.” Interesting, yes?

So back to the original question… whose life is sacred? Whose life is holy?

I have remained, on this blog at least, silent over the absolute asinine way our government has handled the Katrina debacle. I have ranted and raved elsewhere, keeping my little blog clean of the profanities that have streamed out of my mouth.

Quite frankly, I was quiet because I am lazy. *hangs head in shame*

I am not going to rehash it here; if you know me, you know how I feel. It was a complete clusterfuck and I’m ashamed of my government. We’ll just leave it at that.

However, while we were all staring at our television in horror, crying and ranting in fury and shame, the FDA pulled a quiet little stunt so mind boggling that I’m still trying to figure out the why of it.

On August 31, Susan Wood resigned her post as the Director of the Office of Women’s Health. She cites the continuing limiting of access to “Plan B” as her reason. Who can blame her? The FDA continues to dink around with this, giving no clear cut reason to deny the access of an emergency method of birth control as an over-the-counter product. And just so you aren’t confused, this drug is NOT the same as RU-486. It is not “abortion in a bottle”, it is an emergency contraceptive. And it is completely ignorant to not have it available OTC. Period.

Getting back on track… I’m so tweaked out that I’m close to ranting…

As mentioned, Dr. Wood resigns. And we all sigh and say, “Who can blame her?” And then, proving once again that our government is completely out of touch with reality, on September 16 FDA Commissioner Lester Crawford appoints a new Acting Director. One Dr. Norris Alderson, the agency’s associate commissioner for science, who has spent much of his career in FDA’s Center for Veterinary Medicine. Yes, that’s right, animal husbandry. We women are, after all, just cattle.

*stream of profanities too obscene for public consumption*

Picked up quickly by women’s organizations, including Planned Parenthood, the FDA backpedals and sends out a different press release. So who’s in charge? Theresa Toigo has been named acting director, and the FDA claims they never announced anyone other than that.

WTF? How about this Google cache? Mmmm… love me some technology!

I’m not sure what frustrates me more, that it happened in the first place, that they lied about it, that there was so little reported in the mainstream media, or that I am so far behind the times that I didn’t hear about it when it happened. I’m still so pissed off that I’m seeing red.

Fucktards.